


Silent In Vegas

by trixiegf



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: But just a little, F/M, I Just Have a Lot Of Feelings About These Two Okay, Introspection, Pre-Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life, i wrote this at 4 am instead of sleeping, kind of, maybe one day - Freeform, rory is confused and doesn't know what she wants, set about a half a year-year before the revival, so technically, this honestly is not great and i should edit it but oh well, this is just me reading a little into rory's view on her relationship with logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 04:14:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15766380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixiegf/pseuds/trixiegf
Summary: Sometimes, when he is looking into her eyes just like he is right now, she thinks he's going to tell her he loves her. Other times she's sure he only kisses her because he seeks closure and familiarity- she isn't sure which idea makes her heart feel heavier.





	Silent In Vegas

**Author's Note:**

> Just a look into Rory's view of her relationship with Logan- Nothing too deep or philosophical, just an explanation of how she feels (or a semi-explanation, but still more than ASP ever gave us in the revival).

 

Odette has long black curls and a warm smile, Rory learns the first time she visits Logan after the engagement has been announced. There is a printed picture of her stuck to his refrigerator door with a blue magnet, and even though he takes it down and apologises as soon as he realises Rory has seen it, she still has.

"She's pretty," Rory mentions, as if it is just a casual afterthought, and not the only thing that has been occupying her mind in the last few hours. Neither of them brought it up after Logan slid the picture in his pocket, though by the constant concerned looks he shot her at dinner, she knows he wanted to. They're sitting on his sofa, and she's curled by his side, more out of habit than anything, not even because she craves being close to him. It just feels natural, like it's a place reserved just for her. except she knows it isn't. "I can see why you would want to marry someone like her. She seems... Nice." She feels his chest rise under her cheek and then fall when he sighs deeply. His hand rubs the side of her thigh. "I forgot to take it down," he repeats the same words he said earlier, when he found her staring at the photo, then pauses, his hand moving up onto her shoulder. He squeezes. "I didn't mean for you to just find it. It won't happen again, I'm sorry."

She wants to ask, why get engaged? Why now? But she doesn't feel as if she has the right to. It is his life, and after all, and she was the one who came up with their oh-so-genius Vegas plan, thus officially making herself not a real part of his life anymore, but rather an escape from it. She used to love that idea, but now she isn't so sure.

"No, I think it's good that i did. I can't completely ignore her existence, now, can I? she's your..." she takes a deep breath, and stares into the fireplace. "Fiancée." The fire cracks softly and they both stare at it silently, and Rory wonders what exactly Logan is thinking at this moment. It was one of the things she liked most about him when they first met, the surprise, the thrill of unpredictability, but over time she got so used to reading his every expression and recognising his every emotion, that now not knowing how he felt feels foreign and quite unsettling. A sort of anxiety is always present in the pit of her stomach when they get close to talking about this stuff– the real stuff. Stuff like Odette and feelings and reasons– those things are always off limits, mostly because Rory is terrified of what might come up if they ever were to open that Pandora's box, of what he might say. She's scared that he'll say three words she hasn't heard from him in nine and a half years. Or maybe she's afraid he won't. She isn't even sure if she could say them back, or if she wants to.

"That she is," Logan replies, and she can tell he's tip toeing around her feelings just by how slowly he says those words. She can hear how careful he's being in his voice, like he is weighing every word in his head before he says it. A part of her wants for him to relax, and to believe her that it's fine, but the rest of her conscience knows it's a lie, so she says nothing. She can't seem to recall, when they became so heavy and unhappy, but it seems like a forever has passed since her heart felt light. He turns his head to her and she looks up at him, studying his unreadable expression, and again she's upset she isn't able to read him like she used to. Rory wonders if odette has already mastered this skill that Rory herself has managed to forget, if she knows what the furrow in his brow means and what his mischievous smirks entail. Logan deserves at least that, understanding (hell, logan deserves the world), but a small part of her still wishes Odette doesn't know him quite as well as she does.

"I'm sorry," he says again, quietly, and gently brushes a strand of hair off her face. His expression is soft, openly apologetic and honest. This is one expression she is far too familiar with to ever forget. She smiles, a small smile, and sneaks a hand up to the back of his neck, and with her other hand cupping his cheek, she pulls him down to kiss his lips softly. "It's okay, Logan. this is your place, your life. She's a part of your life. It was inevitable."

Odette did nothing to deserve being hated by Rory, yet she resents everything about her. She can't help it, her stomach turns in envy at the mere thought of her and Logan together. Does she want him to be happy? of course she does, but the thought of his happiness being caused by another woman still makes her sick. Logan opens his mouth, looking conflicted, then closes it and bites his lip. For a split second she expects him to say _so are you_ , but she isn't, necause the beauty of the Vegas agreement, apart from the short term escape from reality, is the complete detachment from anything and everything real. Rory might as well be a nostalgic good dream revisited once every second month or so. And so he doesn't say it, and she is disappointed but not surprised.

Whenever they meet, or just when rory calls to say hello, they discuss their work and talk about how Lorelai is doing, Rory reports to him the latest in the ongoing drama of Paris and Doyle and in return he tells her how quickly Honour's kids are growing, but they never talk about anything real, anything of substance, anything that really concerns them– she likes and hates that about them. "Still, I should've–" She cuts him off with another kiss. "We don't have to talk about this," she tries to sound as convincing as she can, even though she herself is not at all convinced anymore. "That's what's so nice about us. What happens in Vegas..."

She feels him sigh more than she hears it, his warm breath hitting her cheek. His face is unreadable again and his eyes bore into hers. Her fingers play with the blond hair at the nape of his neck and she can tell he got a haircut fairly recently. She always preferred his hair a little longer- maybe Odette likes it short like this. "Stays in Vegas, yes," he heavily completes after a long moment of silence, then kisses her forehead. There is a lot underneath the surface, countless things unsaid that probably should be addressed, but for Rory it's a lot easier to lay her head on his chest and ignore them.

"Vegas doesn't affect our real lives, and our real lives don't affect Vegas," She's a broken record at this point, and she isn't sure if she's trying to make him feel better about hurting her, or if she's trying to convince herself that one picture shouldn't hurt her the way it did. Sometimes when he is looking into her eyes just like he is right now, she thinks he's going to tell her he loves her. Other times she's sure he only kisses her because he seeks closure and familiarity- she isn't sure which idea makes her heart feel heavier. And yes, she is aware he has much more on the line, a successful career and a wealthy life, and a potentially happy marriage to a pretty girl with long black curls and a warm smile, and eyes that are blue just like Rory's own. But she's selfish. Starting the conversation and voicing her feelings first could potentially lead to her happy ending, but it could also completely wreck Vegas forever, and she lacks the courage to find out which it'll be. She can't risk going another eight years without logan huntzberger in her life.  _she needs him._

"I know, ace." He sounds so tired. The fire is slowly dying down, and they both watch it as it does. He kisses the top of her head and she half smiles and hums quietly but doesn't further say anything. She could easily convince herself she's content with just having this, just because she lacks the words to tell him otherwise. Perhaps if one day she does find the right words, this torturous cycle would finally end. Perhaps they would be happy. But until she does, it'll remain silent in Vegas.


End file.
